I has Flame?

OHAI

2010-06-28T02:14:00.001-07:00

I C U THAR, person stalking Tallz. I don't let people say shit about my friends.

We're catching up to you. ;D

A Rather Important Announcement

2010-02-23T05:06:00.000-08:00

OK, so, after two months of thought, I've come to my final decision.

I am turning away from flaming and frolicking towards the realms of the Con Critter instead.

Before any of the lurking Twitards have a spasm at the idea that they 'pushed me' towards it, I'd like to say now that no one else has influenced this. I've dealt with much worse, much more intelligent Anti-Flamers and haters than you, and I probably will in the future, too. The cause of all this comes directly from this thread:

http://forum.fanfiction.net/topic/61196/20977112/1/

The Christmas of 2009 was a day of goodwill, where I would give constructive criticism to ten of the worst stories on the site, handpicked by forum members themselves. I had no say in what was chosen; I had to take what I was given. On the day, I completed my task, and all was good. Later, the feedback came in, and with a sigh, I opened it, expecting my usual wave of hatemail.

What I read, instead, was gushing thanks for what I'd said, and asking me to help them personally.

This surprised me. Previous CC attempts had left me with a bad taste in my mouth, due to the authors treating me like I was little more than an old piece of gum on their shoe. Why, then, were people being different now?

While that question was never answered, it also didn't bother me. I replied to the PMs of the people I'd reviewed, and sat back, feeling strange.

Feeling good.

At that point, I began to think over the reasons why I flamed in the first place. To help? Sure. For a bit of fun? Maybe.

...Because I could?

And so I've been running these questions in my head for two months. I've not flamed anyone properly since Christmas, which is unusual for me. During that time, the LU grew in popularity, and was eventually pushed into the spotlight by the Twilight fandom. I've received more hatemail in this last month than in my entire time on FFnet . I could have replied to all the PMs like I used to: sarcastic and with an edge of forced arrogance. However, taking my CC feedback into account, I tried responding to people in a calm and civil manner instead.

Several people who started the conversation screaming at me have ended up apologising profusely and now understand exactly what the LU is about. I think that has finalised my decision to stop flaming.

I've not left flaming completely, though. I will have my off-days, as do we all. I will still flame on occasion, but until further notice, I will be classing myself as concritter, harsh or otherwise. I still think flaming is an effective way of reviewing...I just don't think it's for me anymore.

I'm still going to be my usual self socially. The only thing that's changed is my reviewing ways.

Hope I didn't cause too many heart attacks.

;D

George~

Bringing Sexy Back

2010-02-16T08:27:00.000-08:00

So I finally got the little Sexy Dance .gif working again! Wait for the music to start on my blog and then watch him dance! :D

(srsly, he dances in time)

This calls for a celebration.

*eats m&m's*

Breaking my own Rules. D:

2010-02-16T05:37:00.000-08:00

I said I wouldn't do this again, but I feel the need to address one last comment.

And then I won't do it again.

I swear!

:(

Anyway, thank you, Lola, for giving me the benefit of the doubt. Much appreciated. Feel free to drop by the LU forum for a chat and a cup of pixel tea. It would be a delight to get to know you better.

George~

MOAR comments to respond to ^^

2010-02-15T19:30:00.000-08:00

OK, two more comments. :)

--

Anonymous said... I just thought I would let you know that I think you are pathetic. The Swastika on your fanfiction profile with the caption "Go on. Make my day. Be offended." is disgusting. I am offended, and I'm sure many other people are too. Putting a symbol that represents the oppression and murder of millions of people onto your profile is wrong. I don't give a shit about its history as a peace symbol, in this context you obviously knew what you were doing. You embraced the offense people would take, and it's disgusting.

You make yourself feel better by belittling others, you probably think you're cool getting people deleted and making fun of people who stand up to you. You'll probably do the same to me, but I don't give a shit. You'll just be proving my point, and making yourself look like a bigger idiot as you do so. You probably don't even care that so many people think you're an arrogant asshole, but maybe if enough people tell you that you're despicable then you'll get it through your head. And FYI I am not a noob because I've decided you're despicable.

--

Okie doke. Firstly the swastika on my profile is not the Nazi swastika. Want to know why?

It's the wrong way around.

I checked this before I posted it and made sure it was the wrong swastika. The reason it's on my profile is because I believe the swastika should not be a taboo symbol in the Western world. The Nazis corrupted a historical and religious symbol, and I, quite frankly, feel that shouldn't be allowed. So yes, I have a swastika in my profile. Yes, it makes my day if you're offended, because you don't bother to find out *why* it's there; you just assume. If you assume, then it's your fault, not mine, that you're offended. Those are my reasons, and I will quite happily stick by them.

As for the rest of you accusations...incorrect. Visit us at the forum and find out what we're really about instead of just listening to all the wild rumours flying around at the moment.

--

I am not of the magical world of Britain, therefore I am still correct. Regardless, even in British English, double quotes are more widely popular; the use of single quotations outside of double quotations has become increasingly slim to none.

I do my research, just not on what country you live in. :) I am just giving you a dose of what it is like to have someone go through your shit and point out stupid mistakes that don't really take away from your writing. This seems to be one of your specialties. There is a difference between concrit and giving advice while making the person feel like a complete idiot.

For someone so proper, you act so backwards.

--

It doesn't matter if you are not British. You are referring to a British person, making your accusation incorrect. It seems to me like you did your research after your post, otherwise you would have mentioned it originally. No matter. Certain areas use doubles, some use singles. I happen to be an area that uses singles. I was taught single, and I've never seen anyone else use doubles. Just because something is more widely used doesn't mean the alternative is incorrect.

Also, don't think you are special. I've had others point out mistakes to me before. It doesn't wound or offend me. I'm grateful to them, because they provide me with an opportunity to improve. I'm even appreciative of you showing me old mistakes, despite your motives. Your criticism will allow me to better myself, and that's a good thing. You don't make me feel like an idiot at all. ^^

For someone who dislikes me so much, you sure are helpful. ;)

--

Hokaaay, I think that's it. Now, this will be the last time I respond to comments on my blog. This is an archive, not a chatroom. If anyone has anymore questions, insults, or accusations for me, please go to either my forum:

http://forum.fanfiction.net/topic/61196/22663601/1/

(you need a fanfiction account)

or my profile to PM me:

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1600268/

(need a fanfiction account again)

Yes, the swastika is still there.

Go on.

Ask me why there's a swastika on my profile.

George~

Quotation Pickle

2010-02-14T10:00:00.000-08:00

I received this comment:

"This sentence on your profile cracks me up: I flame on Fanfiction.net, where some of the internet's stupidest people go to 'write'.

Oh, it doesn't crack me up because it was funny or you are cool, but because you are talking about the internet's stupidest people, yet you don't even know how to use single quotations correctly. Who would have thought you were talking about yourself?! Oh, did you not realize? Single quotations are only used within dialog or quotation marks. Also, the period should be before the end quotation mark. Should I go on with your pathetic writing and tear it apart like you do for everyone else? It would be my pleasure . . . no?"

Sorry, my dear, but over in the magical land of Britain, we DO use single quotation marks like that, and so I am correct. You are correct about the period outside of the quotations, but unfortunately for you, that was written nearly two years ago. I have since improved, I was just too lazy to change it. ^^

Next time you want to call me out on mistakes, do your research. :)

Rush

2009-11-07T10:35:00.000-08:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5329222/1/

There are several things missing from this. One would be originality. Another would be punctuation, as well as developed, realistic characters. Good description and the ability to use the enter correctly seemed to have been left off the list, too. Finally, any actual skill in writing isn't present, either.

The b.itch you describe in the first paragraph is, without a doubt, a complete and utter Mary-Sue. Let's take a look at the overly elaborate description of the w.hore, shall we?

large hot pink eyes]

So she’s an albino now, is she?

surrounded those bright eyes.]

You seem to have ‘Meyer syndrome.’ How many times does your audience need to hear about someone’s eyes?

Once.

Rainbow glitter was scattered all over her face,]

I can image her getting ready on a night out.

Makeup? Check!

Hair? Check!

Glitter?

–faceplants a bowl of glitter-

Check!

it sparkled whenever the bright lights hit her.]

You’ve used the word ‘bright’ already. Repetition is boring.

It was a little too short for the man’s tastes,]

But of course, he’s still going to want to f.uck her anyway.

but the style gave her a seemingly innocent aura.]

Mate, that is beyond corny. “Well, she has t.its like Jodie Marsh, but hey! Dem purple hairs be hiding that fact!”

Her body and clothing were far from innocent; her body was so sinfully sexy that she should’ve been arrested for being so fine. Her breasts were large, probably a triple D cup. Her waist wasn’t tiny, nor was it large. Her hips were clearly defined, giving her an hour glass figure.]

And now she’s Lara Croft. If you’re going to give her great stonking melons, give her a body that will look natural with her enormous chest. If not, she’ll just be disproportioned. Holding that chest up with such an small waist is not physically possible without horrendous backache.

All her curves were in the right places,]

But of course! What Mary-Sue wouldn’t be perfect?

and her ex-boyfriends told her that her ass seemed to go on FOR DAYS.]

First Lara Croft, now J-Lo? And also, how would the character viewing her know about her ex-boyfriends? Stick to one viewpoint, dips.hit.

Her tight, bright pink leather short shorts showed how long her legs were,]

Again, way too perfect. Where is this t.art’s flaws, damn it?

The tight lemon yellow tank top she wore had a deep v-neckline, showing off her generous cleavage.]

Read: watch how her t-shirt strains across her chest, as if a deflated yellow balloon had an extra-large grapefruit inside it.

The outfit hugged her curves, and showed off her sexy body. Her outfit was sexy,]

You’ve used sexy three times in this paragraph. Are you a lesbian?

Actually, you have her make out with a girl later on. You are definitely a lesbian.

but not slutty because she totally wasn’t a slut.]

And because this character TOTALLY isn’t a self-insert fantasy for you.

The man’s mouth began to water and dirty thoughts of him and the young woman flashed through his mind. Maybe he could get her to spend the night with him at a love hotel, without telling his wife; after all what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her right?]

Yep, definitely a self-insert. You’re so desperate for some action you get off over anime characters?

Personally, I don't know how you thought this piece of s.hit was a good idea. The characters are poorly developed and, at a guess, are going to be shallow. The guy arrested is over the top EBUL, with no character except for the fact that he's EBUL. Oh, and of course he's stupid enough to walk into a bar when there are Wanted pictures up of him. You know, because drug lords really don't take any precautions whatsoever.

The lead is already such a Mary-Sue that they should change the definition of it to 'that b.itch in Rush.' Not to mention that the first paragraph would crush someone easily. The enter key is there for a f.ucking reason, d.ickwad. Use it.

Another thing that p.isses me off, apart from your god-awful lead, is the changes in tense and breaking of the fourth wall.

her day…err…night job.]

Who is going to hear that? The 'err' is unnecessary.

Don’t forget that he is also wanted for exploiting child pornography]

Who are you talking to there?

For those of you that are not aware, sweeper is a fancy name for a bounty hunter.]

Thanks for breaking the flow for me, a.sshole.

Overall, this is a steaming pile of c.rap. The characters have no depth -- they're all shallow and Sue-ish or sterotyped -- the grammar is awful, with commas and other pieces of punctuation missing everywhere, and the paragraphs are so big and retarded you could beat your teacher to death with them. It's repetitive, boring, and predictable. Delete it, for everyone's sake.

But you have girls making out it in. That's cool. I'll give you brownie points for that. ;)

George

LU~

The Stars of Languth

2009-11-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4520635/1/

--

Three word summary?

Predictable, boring, and cliched.

However, three word summaries suck, so here is a summary with a slightly longer word count:

So, let's see, main character has a stupid name ripped off from a band, her father was murdered by some p,ussy d.ickwad (o, u c wat i did thar?), and, from what I can gather from the reviews, she falls in love with said p.ussy d.ickwad.

Straight away, your character is a Mary-Sue, and deserves to be executed for this very reason.
Perhaps P.ussy B.oy will grow a pair and shoot her, if only to save himself from the inevitable pairing.

Anyway, the grammar fails completely and utterly. Wrong words are used, eg. 'who's/whose', and you can't use a comma correctly in speech to save your life, you braindead f.ucktard.

Spelling is s.hit, dialogue is beyond help, and attempting to describe your main w.hore by a series of questions fails so epically I found myself wondering if you were dropped on your head as a baby. It would certainly explain a lot.

Basically, it's s.hit. Delete it, for you have absolutely no talent in writing whatsoever. I found myself bored around halfway through.

George

LU~

Demonic: Book one

2009-11-07T10:30:00.000-08:00

After I told her on a forum she couldn't type, she tried to discredit me on her profile by posting a 'perfect grammar' paragraph...so I tore that apart, too, and then reviewed her. ;D

--

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5463830/1/

--

I shall review first.

Repetitive, flat, boring, and the punctuation is all over the place. It's too short, and really has no redeeming features. Basically, it's a pile of steaming s.hit.

Now, onto my next part:

[By the way, my story, the one Dictionary reviewd, she's lost her Flaming ability. Whether she was trying to be mean or not, that was pitiful. XD]

Nah, she wasn't trying. Learn to tell the difference between effort and can't be f.ucked. XD

Anyway:

[" Hi, my name is Ginger Miller and I live in Sydney, Austrailia.]

Dear me, can't spell your own country right?

[I both mean and sweet.]

'I'm/I am,' not 'I.'

[I don't normally cuss, but when I get pissed off I do. I have bright blue eyes, reddish brown hair and pale skin.]

Missing a comma.

[People stick up for me, because they think I can't stick up for myself, well they are certainly mistaken. :P]

First comma not needed, second should be a semi-colon or a hyphen.

[n u thoght i culdnt right good. :P]

Yeah, I do. 'Write well,' not 'right good,' you smacktarded f.ucknugget. Did you have to paste it onto Word first and run it through spell checker to get even half of that right, hmm?You Fail, and you always will. This is also going on my profile under the lulz section, and your reviews as a more permanent reminder of your c.ocky stupidity.

George~

Bitten

2009-11-07T10:29:00.000-08:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5410270/1/

--

This was basically rushed, flat, and generally s.hit.

Oh, a vampire just *happens* to turn up after Edward has f.ucked off! And of course she'll just let him in, considering how the first set of unknown vampires she encountered try to videotape being murdered, perform necrophilia, and then post the clip on Youtube!

C.rappy, with awful dialogue and terrible plot. Do you not know to paragraph with a new speaker, dumbf.uck?

George

The Forbidden Murder Book

2009-09-29T16:51:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately this story was deleted shortly after I flamed it. No lulz for you. :(

--

Alright listen up creepy stalkers/flamers/no f-ing good life!]

OHAI.

This is the older protective sisters of this writer.]

More than one sister? OH NOES. SAVE ME FROM THE WHORES OF THE INTERNET POSTING THREATENING PIXELS TO ME.

What, am I supposed to be giving a s.hit or something?

Because of all the negative comments and reviews of stupid no good idiots who have no life other than make others miserable... ]

Or because the story was pretty much someone vomiting on the keyboard and posting it as a story, so we gave an honest, harsh opinion?

Grow the f.uck up and suck it up, you stupid b.itch. XD

this story is going under rewrite with two co-writers/unofficial betas named Princess GreenFire and DarkWhiteMoonlight.]

Yeah, I wouldn't make co-authors a beta of any form, because they're likely not to spot their own retarded mistakes. Basically, don't beta your own work, smacktard, because you fucking /suck./

Thank-you those who actually cares, and screw you those who don't.]

Sorry, I have to keep to my screwing schedule. That, and I have standards. Get rid of your STDs, slut, and maybe we'll talk.

See ya till the next update. And we appreciate those who find our ramblings amusing, pat yourself on the back you have a sense of humor!~Unlike those idiotic no good a;lsdfj;ok flamers~]

a;lsdfj;ok? Is that a word now? This is the internet. You can swear all you f.ucking want, you idiotic piece of s.hit.

Sincerely pissed off!]

Yeah, that makes no sense.

That'd be like me saying:

'Yours mildly vexed!'

DarkWhiteMoonlight, Princess GreenFire]

George

The Flame Union~

AIM Randomness: WWE Style

2009-09-26T19:25:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5168887/1/

--

I'm not sure what this s.hit is supposed to be, but /Jesus/, are you completely f.ucking retarded?

Aside from the 'blah blah blah it's against the rules, oh noes' bulls.hit, this...thing...reeks of self-insert wank fantasy. Do you really think anyone on this site gives a flying f.uck about your little conversations on AIM?

We don't. We never will. A far as I'm concerned, people who post this c.rap, like you, need to be publically executed with a f.ucking firing squad, so that the gene pool can be cleansed and kept pure.

Do you and your friends have a speech impediment, by the way? Most of your talk sems to consist of ttalking lliike this.

Annoying, huh? Maybe you got your head trapped in a door when you were a baby, though, and thus your speech became abnormally slow. But you should know by now not to type the way you talk.

Either get this s.hit down, or go jump under a bus. Either suits me, f.ucktard.

George

Only in a Moment

2009-09-22T18:32:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5137580/1/Only_in_a_Moment

Oh, Lily has a sister never mentioned in the book!

HOW UNEXPECTED.

The grammar and plot is completely s.hit!

HOW UNEXPECTED.

I think you're a f.ucking retarded d.ouche for writing this c.rap!

HOW UNEXPECTED.

Learn how to write, d.ickwad.

George

YOU Write The Story!

2009-09-22T18:25:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5338772/1/

--

No. Just...no.

Aside from it being against the rules, it appears writers are so s.hit now that they have to recruit other talentless writers to fill the gaps!

ilovnickyj: You have no concept of grammar at all. Learn about commas, plot, punctuation in general, and then come back and stop being such a f.ucking idiot.

Evalovex33: I actually started to like your part, because you can type fairly well...and then you made the stupid mistake of scripting a flashback. Douche.

Blossom1209: I don't know what possessed you to try and glitz up the point of view script title, but you are now a mentally retarded t.wat in my eyes because of it.

All of you need to learn how to write. Not one of you didn't script the POV, miss punctuation, and generally f.uck up the grammar. The plot is dreadful, and my eyes are desperately trying to get the f.uck out of my head and away from this abomination. Delete it, or FFnet will delete it for you.

W.ankers.

George

One Disaster At a Time

2009-09-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4954100/1/One_Disaster_At_a_Time

--

What the f.uck is this s.hite, and how the hell did it get so much attention and praise?

All I see when I look at this is a self-insert 'f.uck me, Edward...and then go back to Bella!' masturbation fantasy, with God awful grammar and a predictable, s.hitty plot.

Oh, I'd also like to add that you are a complete and utter douche for telling me the point of view every time it changes. I am not a dumbf.uck like you. I do not need you telling me the change -- or at least I wouldn't, if you could actually scrape enough intelligence and talent together in that empty head of yours to lay out the appropriate description. Show, not tell!

/Show me/ that the view point has changed. Don't tell me through r.etarded scripting. Do you ever see J.K. Rowling or Stephen King script their POV? No, because they are not f.ucked up smacktards.

One last thing: stop ransoming your piece of s.hit story for reviews, you f.ucking review whore.

Or maybe just 'fucking whore' on its own. Whatever; I don't care.

Take it down and spare the rest of FFnet from your illiteracy. Maybe then your idiotic fans will find something decent and well-written to read and develop some actual 'taste.'

George

My Personal Hell

2009-09-17T06:51:00.001-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5219018/1/

--

I never expected that I would have to leave my home because it isn’t safe but here I am on a plan heading to my personal hell,]

Bloody hell, were you planning on breathing at any point in that...'sentence?'

Forks Washington America.]

Separate places mate, so you need commas in between them all. Otherwise, you just have a place literally called 'Forks-Washington-America.'

-.-

At lest I can say I am not by my self, no I am with my brother and best friend they are what are holding me together, well my friends Jasper is, my brother Emmett is annoying me to the pits of hell.]

Again with the retarded, run-on sentences. You sound like you're taking a huge breath and reading this c.rap with a rushed, monotone voice. Periods are your friend, f.uckwit.

and I have heard their not fun so I kink of don’t what to]

'They're', not 'their', and I'm sure you meant 'kind', not 'kink.' Read through your s.hit before you post it.

So here I go to my hell, Forks, where my life will change and I don’t know if it will be for the better of worse.]

Jesus, angsty teenager much?

Anyway, that was just a few things I wanted to pick at. I read the first chapter, and was all set to spam the words 'f.ucking' and 'retard' across the review, with pointers thrown in for good measure, when I decided that maybe that wasn't very fair. So I took a look at your latest chapter to see if there had been any improvement.

'Only slightly less smacktarded' is a phrase that springs to mind. Perhaps I'll use it at some point in the review.

To start with, your speech is a pain in the a.ss. Commas in direct address are missing, you use periods at the end of the speech when they don't f.ucking belong there, and then actually put a comma in one of them when that didn't belong there either. It's as if you've reversed the comma-period rule of speech endings. Either your English teacher is a complete dumb s.hit, or your beta needs to be rendered infertile, to stop further retardation of the gene pool.

And then maybe shot, just for good measure.

Next up, one of my pet hates...telling me the freaking point of view.

Just...why?

Why?

Seriously, I don't understand...*why*. Can you not write description? Show us the changes, instead of telling us? Not being able to do something as simple as this passes you off as a stupid little girl who cannot write for s.hit.

And now to use my phrase.Overall, this chapter is only slightly less smacktarded than the first one, which, considering how many chapters you have, is not good for your reputation. The whole story has god-awful grammar and spelling, as well as eye burning dialogue and description (or lack of). Note that I am not judging the plot. I don't believe in criticising a writer's style and plot, unless it truly is...horrific.

That, and also because to criticise a plot, I'd have to read the entire thing, and I've got much better things to do than actually going in-depth with the scrawlings of a s.hit fic.

George

I Hate my Truck

2009-09-17T06:42:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5324818/1/I_Hate_my_Truck

--

For some reason, my review no longer shows up on the review page. I have no idea if the review was deleted by admins, there was a glitch, or if the author simply deleted her story and then reposted it.

But really, who gives a shit? XD

--

Firstly, do you not know what a period is? No, I'm not referring to the time of the month where all women become unbearable b.itches; I'm talking about the full stop at the end of your sentences.

Why the hell do nearly all of your sentences end without a period, you dumb f.uck? Are you so god damn stupid you can't press a button and end speech properly? As for the rest of your punctuation...well, have you even f.ucking /heard/ of a comma? Nearly all of the commas needed were missing, the capitals connected with speech were all over the place.

And of course, you write worse than Stephenie Meyers, in terms of plot, dialogue, and action (which is a feat in itself, because Meyers is absolutely s.hit). You can't describe a kiss to save your life, your imitation of love and romance falls flat it is that /bad/, and you cannot spell. Also, why is description left out right until the very end? The entire thing is made of f.ucking one-line dialogue splats, proving you are a s.hitty, talentless b.itch when it comes to writing.

George

P.S. Blocking does f.uck all, mate. If I want to flame you, I f.ucking well will. XD

Evacuate the Dance Floor

2009-09-06T07:54:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5353017/1/

--

The majority of this appears to be song lyrics. If I wanted to listen to crappy music, I would watch one of the music channels on TV, not read your s.hitty little story. By putting someone else's words in the chapter, you have proven that you have absolutely no talent at all, and that you are a f.ucking idiot who must have been dropped on their head as a baby. Couldn't think of anything to put in, hm?

Next up, my biggest pet hate. Why, oh fucking why, do you insist on telling me the points of view in script format? If there is one thing I've learnt in all the time I've been flaming, it's that only the c.rappiest authors tell us the point of view.Ever heard of description? Instead of screaming 'EPOV!', you describe the surrounds, thoughts, and feelings of a character, allowing the reader to gain insight as to whose viewpoint we are viewing the situation from.

Your grammar fails at life. Commas are missing at the end of speech, replaced by a period instead, and other bits of punctuation are absent or in the wrong place. Also, why the f.uck did you put A/N in the middle of a Goddamn sentence? Do you really think we give a s.hit about what you think of your own damn characters?Speaking of characters, you have raped them completely and utterly (as if Meyers' characters weren't bad enough already), spraying liberal amounts of emo around, similar to a sewage pipe bursting in the middle of a road, dousing everything within its range with s.hit.

To put it briefly, this story is f.ucking awful, and it needs to be deleted immediately.

George

Broken hearts torn apart

2009-08-31T15:09:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5345214/1/

--

Jesus Christ. Your character is such a Mary Sue it's not even funny.

Everyone loves your character, and Bella ugly? To me, this just seems to be your own personal f.uck fantasies posted on the internet. No one cares, and anyone who does is a f.ucking idiot.

Delete it. It's s.hit.

George

She's The Man

2009-08-31T15:08:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5345518/1/

--

To start with, please do not tell me when the point of view changes. I am not a smacktard like you, and thus do not need to be told the points of view. How about you actually learn to write? That way you can rely on description and the like, instead of scripting me the POV.

Next up, grammar! You've missed commas in direct address, speech, and various other place, and well as spacing it incorrectly. You also appear to be allergic to periods at the end of speech, too, as well as capitalising the right things in the right God damn places.

Jesus.

There's too much speech and not enough description, and it's just plain boring and flat.

Verdict: Worthless piece of c.rap

Please take it off the site and spare others from the horror.

George

Superman

2009-08-31T15:06:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5341468/1/

--

Dear Flamer Queer,]

Dear Retarded Whore,

Thanks for the review!]

You're welcome!

I believe that every good story needs a bad review,]

Because it's so bad, it's good, right? 8D

so thanks to you, I know my story must be good!]

Then you must be living in smacktard land, where everything is good because its citizens cannot cope with the bad. It's s.hit, and you are a s.hit writer. End of.

This is not a school essay nor is it a book about to be published,]

Maybe not, but you are still putting it up here for all to see. Deal with the criticism, or GTFO.

so I don’t care if some words are spelled wrong or my punctuation isn’t right.]

Your opinion doesn't matter. As a reviewer (with an actual brain, unlike the rest of them), though, mine does count/

This is a story that popped into my head so I decided to write it down and put it on here for people to enjoy.]

Is there any chance you could think before you do that again? The thought will push your horrific ideas out of your tiny mind, thus sparing us all.

Not for people from the likes of you!]

That...makes no sense.

So thanks again for the review]

You're welcome~

and you have a good fucking day too!]

I did not greet you a good day, f.ucking or otherwise, but oh well. Thank you! Now go learn how to write.

Kiss my ass,]

You mean kick, right?

Lindsey]

George

Well wasn’t that fun! Now, on with the story!!]

Indeed! Now, on with the flaming!

Anyway, as far as this abomination goes, the grammar is s.hit, the characterisation is s.hit, the plot is s.hit, and, yeah.

It's basically s.hit.

Take it down and get a f.ucking beta, for God's sake.

George

P.S. Ever Heard of a Dictionary is female. ;)

moonless night 1

2009-08-31T15:05:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5225302/1/

--

Jesus, this is...awful.

I am not a retard. You do not need to tell me when flashbacks begin and end. Describe it. Show us it's a flashback, instead of scripting it like we're too stupid to understand what the f.uck is going on.

Secondly, this story is flat, and quite frankly, boring. At least you have a semi-decent beta, who can fix up any of your grammar mistakes. One think Silent has missed, though:

"Hello," She said.

Capitalising 'she' is wrong. It should look like this:

"Hello," she said.

You need to pump some life into this. I lost interest half way through. Sort this s.hit out.

George

vampire wars

2009-08-31T15:04:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5266481/1/

--

If there's one thing I hate more than god awful grammar, it's people telling me points of view and flashback. The sign of an even semi decent author is one that can describe the story well enough without having to tell me pointless scripted details like I'm a complete idiot.

Your grammar, such as commas, apostrophes, and periods, are either non-existant or in the completely wrong place. You also seem to have a problem with putting a space after periods and commas. You miss commas out of direct address, and you use the wrong punctuation at the end of speech.

Also, bold paragraphs is completely and utterly r.etarded. Fix it.

Get a beta and sort this s.hit out. It's terrible.

George

Concrit (seriously): Itsumademo, zettai ni mamoru

2009-08-31T15:02:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5230390/1/

--

And secondly, I refuse to change my story. I got flamed by someone (eh hem, you know who you are),]

*jumps about and waves wildly*

I know who that is!

8D

Whilst I am tempted to flame, just to be a complete ass because I don't care if you report, I won't. You've greatly improved since I last reviewed you, and that earns you some George!respect. However, there are still several mistakes in this that need to be corrected:

This is not a site where people get their books published, so does it really matter if the grammar isn't prestige?]

This isn't a site where people get their books published, so does that mean we should all write in chatspeak and centre our work? That is a poor attitude to have towards writing and also puts you in the spotlight for flamers. The more grammatically correct something is, the more readable it becomes. It also looks better, flows better, and earns you the respect of other users. You'd be someone other writers with half a brain would look up to, and you give off an air of intelligence when your writing is presented properly.

Anyway, enough of the lecture. Time for some concrit.

Why was she making him come on this stupid cruise ship?!]

Having the '?!' together looks very amateur. '?' on its own gives a much more sophisticated feel, but this is more a style factor, if you want it to look professional.

he realized it was only a 10-minute walk]

Ten, instead of 10, so it would read 'ten minute walk' instead. Numbers do not belong in a story unless they are a style factor, such as a telephone number or something a character has written.

There was a small living room with a couch, TV, mini fridge and microwave in it; along with a bathroom and two bedrooms.]

The semicolon should be a comma.

“Son, that’s the next room over. The rooms connect like this incase big families come and need more than one room.” She explained,]

Three mistakes here. The first is ‘incase’, which should actually be two separate words: ‘in’ and ‘case.’ The second is the period at the end of your speech. Never EVAR put a period at the end of speech if it is going to be followed up by ‘she said’, or something similar. The sentence doesn’t finish at the end of the speech, because ‘she said’ is still part of the speech sentence. If you don’t quite get what I mean, look at it this way: would ‘She said’ make sense on its own? If the first sentence of your favourite book was simply:

She said.

Wouldn’t you find that irregular?

The only time you can use a period at the end of the speech is when the ‘follow up’ doesn’t really connect with the speech, and can stand alone as a sentence. For example:

“Ohai,” said George as his friend walked into the room.

“Ohai.” George did not look up from his laptop as he greeted his friend, who had just walked into the room.

‘said George as his friend walked into the room’ cannot stand alone as a sentence, and so the speech before needs to end with a comma (or an exclamation/question mark, if appropriate). ‘George did not look up from his laptop as he greeted his friend, who had just walked into the room’ is a full sentence, though, and so the speech before it ends on a period (or an exclamation/question mark, if appropriate).

Your third mistake was the capitalisation of ‘she’ in ‘she explained.’ Your speech should have ended with a comma, meaning the sentence was not complete. Thus, whenever speech ends with a comma, you do not capitalise ‘she’ in ‘she said.’ However, if speech ends in a period (and is supposed to end in a period), then you can capitalise the ‘she.’

“So don’t even THINK about going in there.]

Again, this is just a pointer for professional style. If you want to emphasize, italicising it looks a lot better than capitalising it.

I’m a NINJA!!]

Excessive punctuation looks amateur. A single ‘!’ and italics for emphasis would have sufficed.

Ninja’s don’t need people to worry about them!”]

I don’t know how much you know about grammar, so apologies if I am talking down to you.

Apostrophes are used either to bring two words together or to show ownership. For example, with the contraction ‘don’t’, the two words brought together are ‘do’ and ‘not.’ I’m pretty sure you know that, because you use contractions well in this, but I thought I’d just add it.

Ownership, however, is completely different. Let us use ninjas as the example:

A ninja has a pie. The pie belongs to the ninja, and it is a very nice pie, indeed. Therefore, it is the ninja’s pie.

Notice how the apostrophe comes before the s? Before the s shows that pie belongs to a single person, which is our ninja.

However, this pie, whilst being a rather lovely pie, is also seriously f.ucking huge. Mr. Ninja simply cannot eat this pie alone, so he decides to share it with his kick a.ss ninja friends. This means that the seriously f.ucking huge pie belongs to more than one person (or ninja). The pie now becomes the ninjas’ pie.

Notice how the apostrophe is now after the s? If something belongs to more than one person (or ninja), then the apostrophe will always be after the s.

Names and apostrophes have similar rules. Our ninjas are called Barry, James, and Ethelbert.

Barry’s pie

Ethelbert’s pie

James’ pie

Now, because James’ name ends with an ‘s’, the apostrophe goes after the ‘s’, but you do not add another ‘s’ afterwards. These are wrong:

Jame’s pie

James’s pie

The only correct version is James’ pie.

The reason I brought this up is because you said ‘Ninja’s don’t need people to worry about them!’

It should just be ‘Ninjas don’t need people to worry about them!’, without the apostrophe, because the ninjas have nothing to possess, if you get what I mean. You are only talking about the ninjas as a whole, not what belongs to them.

“Aww~!]

This ‘~’ has no place in a story. I myself use it whilst talking on forums, etc., but it should not be in a chapter.

Anyway, I am done for now. I told you I would keep an eye on you. ;)

Hope this helped,

George

Talent

2009-08-31T15:01:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5195564/1/

-

I am not a retard, my dear twat. Unlike you, I do not need someone telling me that the viewpoint has changed. If you were a half decent author instead of a s.hitty little fanbrat, the description of your writing would be sufficient enough to show whose PoV it is.

Next up, we have the space bar. This magical instrument has the power to...make a space.

Even after a comma!

:O

The fact is, f.ucktard, you are clearly an illiterate a.sswipe who has no f.ucking idea about punctuation, spelling, or 'talent' in the writing department (or any department, for that matter). You have the longest, most retarded run on sentences I have ever seen (the period button is there for a f.ucking reason, d.ickwad), and you seem to easily get confused between 'there' and 'their.'

'There' is used, for example, in reference to places:

"Get your w.hore a.ss over there, woman."

'Their' is used to reference when something belongs to someone:

"My friends are so lucky. Their wimminz make them sammiches. GTFO of here and go into the kitchen where you belong, b.itch!"

And finally, STFU with those chipmunk pathetic lyrics. No one cares about them but you. Kill it with fire or some s.hit, because they make you look like a ten year old furry trying to get off over her own material.

Then again, that might explain the lack of space key. Over-fapping make your keyboard sticky?

Get this s.hit off the site. It's nothing more than a pile of illiterate sludge you sicked up after experimenting with crystal meth.

George

to bad

2009-08-31T15:00:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5193239/1/

--

I am sick, sick, sick of you and the other f.ucking s.hit!fic writers of FFnet telling me the changes in viewpoints. I am not a f.ucking retard like you. I do /not/ need to be told that the damn viewpoint has changed.

Maybe if you were even a mediocre author, you wouldn't need to tell me the PV, because there would actually be some f.ucking description in this pathetic piece of s.hit.

Punctuation, spelling, capital letters, and intelligence are all absent, making this one big slur of vomit on the already c.raptastic Twilight fandom (like Twilight was ever good to begin with -snort- yearite).

I don't care if this is a real story or a troll fic. If you're being serious about this, leave fanfiction.

If you are a troll (which I strongly suspect), then you are troll!fail. At least make your trolling amusing to some degree, because while I love lulz, this is just made of Fail. Go kill yourself, troll. No one will miss you or notice your passing.

George

P.S. Ever Heard of a Dictionary says she meant 'life' not 'live' in her review

Twilight AIM

2009-08-31T14:58:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5129786/1/

--

Quick; someone call the grammar police, because there's a s.hit!fic on the loose!

Seriously, kiddo, what the hell were you thinking when you wrote this? Were you taking crystal meth at the time or something?

Aside from the retardedness of the script format, the dialogue is just terrible. Fanfiction isn't the place to post your c.rappy little conversations between your friends and then just change the names to Twilight characters (though God knows why you'd /want/ to; Twilight was b.loody awful).

Go to heck? Sweetie, we're not little kids like you. Flamers can handle whatever you throw at them, so using such low-key cussing is actually laughable, not offensive. Seriously, you thought p2bf, whose every sentence contains about three swear words, would have her confidence broken by 'dum dum' (spelt wrong, of course), and heck?

Go back to the retard facility you came from, you stupid t.wat.

Oh, wait, one last thing:

ImMike- Do I really have to say?]

The only reason you wouldn't say who it was is because when p2bf saw this and ripped you a new (for the lulz, of course), you'd have an excuse that it 'wasn't her you were referring to.'

Nice try, dumba.ss. Unluckily (for you), we all have an IQ bigger than our shoe size. Try harder next time.

George

--

Angrygirl:

STFU and GTFO.

How i met your mother

2009-06-24T18:09:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4919011/1/How_i_met_your_mother

--

Like or hate?

I absolutely hated it.

Firstly, as I find myself saying a lot to noobs lately, I am not r.etarded. I do not need you telling me that a flashback has started. If you could actually write something other than s.hit, you wouldn't need to tell me, because you're description would do the damn job for you.

Allowed/aloud, where/were, eight/8, to/too/2, their/there/they're

You picked the wrong option in every single one of these. Why the hell have you replaced words with numbers? This is not text messaging, you idiot. And if you don't know the difference between allowed and aloud, then you need to get off the f.ucking site now before your complete and utter stupidity spreads.

I also noticed you combined several chapters into one chapter. There is a reason why fan fiction provides chapter making links. Were you too lazy to make this into chapters, or too retarded? Your grammar Fails on many levels, as you missed commas, put semi colons in the wrong place, missed capitals, added capitals, f.ucked up speech, and abandoned direct address altogether.

Burn this fiction, and then perform an exorcism to be sure. Only then will FFnet be free of its pathetic quality and corrupting influence.

George

Embry's Imprint

2009-06-24T17:57:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5004211/1/

--

What the f.uck? What is this meant to be, exactly? This is fan fiction, my dear, not a substitute for your toilet, you dumb b.itch.

The first thing I noticed was the excessive use of caps lock. I imagine your conversations in real life must go like this:

"OMG NO WAI ALL I CAN DO IS SHOUT AND SCREAM LIKE A RETARD BECAUSE I WAS DROPPED ON MY HEAD WHEN I WAS BORN!"

You seem to know no other way of communication between people other than shouting. Now listen closely...when you press the Caps Lock button to capitalise the start of a sentence, a name, or a place, you need to press it /again/ to turn it off, OK? Is that alright? Can you understand all this? I know reading words longer than three syllables must be difficult for you.

Next, your grammar Fails. Not just slight Fail, mind you. I mean /real/ Fail. Ever heard of direct address, kiddie? No? How stupid can you be not to know to put a comma between addressing someone and the addressee?

Furthermore, your spelling sucks balls. There, their, and they're: three words that all sound the same, and yet all have different meanings. You are so f.ucking stupid, you cannot tell the blatant difference between them.

[Finally! I’m their!]

{Finally, I'm there!} is what it should be, you dumb piece of s.hit.

The enter key is there for a god damn reason. Every time you have a new speaker, you have a new paragraph, otherwise it just becomes a jumbled up piece of crap, like this abomination to the eyes. Personally, I can't quite see how someone as stupid as you thought they could write. Writing takes skill. If you want to pump out ominous amounts of s.hit, take an entire batch of laxatives and lock yourself in your bathroom for a few days. Maybe then Fan Fiction will be spared from your terrible grammar, diabolical plots, and complete and utter lack of talent.

On the whole, if I had to describe this in a word, it would be 's.hit.'

If I had to describe this in two words, they would be 'f.ucking s.hit.'

People flame you for a reason. Take your weak excuse for 'stories' down, or leave FFnet. I don't care which.

And as a side note, I look forward to receiving a badly spelt PM from you telling me to get a life, before blocking me and thinking you're clever. You're not. Everyone knows you can't handle PM replies from a flamer, because we talk beyond your limited intelligence. Do yourself a favour and just block me, without the PM that I can pass around the flaming community and my website so that everyone can laugh at you. I'd prefer the block, anyway. Some flamers and I currently betting who can get the fastest block from a noob, as well as the stupidest PM.

...actually, maybe you /should/ send me a PM. I could win both bets!

George

Pretty Kitty!

2009-06-24T17:56:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5028081/1/

--

What is it with noobs and telling me the changes of viewpoint constantly?

I'm not a f.ucking r.etard. I don't need to f.ucking know. If you were any good at description, you wouldn't need to.

Aside from your utter stupidity, your grammar fails so epically that I would be surprised if it had run away to get by as a w.hore instead of stay with you.

The enter key, a poor, abused creature, seems to be absent as far as new speakers are concerned, which makes me wonder if you even attended school at all. Did they throw you out for fear of catching 'The Stupid' from you?

Your character is a freaking Mary Sue, even more than the canon Bella, which seems impossible, but bloody hell, you managed it somehow!

Well done for adding this piece of c.rap to the sea of s.hit that is fan fiction.

George

Review reply to Alphabet Soup

2009-06-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

Italics and brackets represent the noob. Non-italics represent me quoting her dumbshit reviewer.

--

Woah, dumb ** can type their words out properly!

Well, excuse me for writing the way I want and calling it "my style".]

Call it what you want. It's still grammar rape.

Everyone's got their own style; be it for writing, drawing, talking, or any number of things.]

I am very much aware of this. However, unlike your style, mine is actually good.

:O

Also, I don't plan on giving up and deleting my story just because a flamer like yourself doesn't like it.]

I don't care either way. Your persistance just gives me more material to ** with. It's good fun for me.

I like it, and so do the rest of my friends and reviewers,]

Your friends care about your feelings, and so will lie to you. Would you tell your best friend that you absolutely hate something of hers that she has worked hard on? They're most likely afraid of upsetting you.

I, on the other hand, do not give a flying ** about your feelings, only your grammar, and so will be brutally honest with you.

Now step back and take a good look at your reviewers:

[I love the stoires so far, and I can't wait for the next part of the miniseries.

Also, just ignore the comment the person posted about the grammer. this story is wonderful and cute. ^_^]

Oh, yes, this quote just oozes intelligence, don't you think? Their spelling and grammar is as bad as yours, so of course they will not know any better. It seems to me your only reviewers are your friends, so my first point on your friends applies here, too.

so that's all that matters to me.]

Good for you. Your little cry of sentiment falls on deaf ears, however, so shut up and save it for someone who cares.

I don't care what you think of it,]

If you didn't care, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Quit lying, sweetie~

I like it and I'm keeping it up. If you don't like it, nobody told you that you had to read it.]

No, nobody did, but I'm a flamer; it's what I do. Nobody told you to rape my eyes either, and yet you did.

Plus, didn't you ever hear the saying "if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all"? Hmm, yes, I believe you probably have.]

Yes, I have, but like with most things in life, I just don't care enough to be nice. Being like this is much more fun.

Why don't you think about that before you flame people and try being a little less, oh I don't know, rude?]

My intention is to be rude and nasty, so I can open their eyes to their stupidity. Thinking about it won't change my methods because that's how I roll.

Thanks.]

You're welcome.

Oh, and if you're going to cuss, why don't you take out that period? It looks dumb.]

You know what looks even more retarded? When my swearing is blocked out by noob's swearing filter. I like to swear, and people such as yourself usually have the swearing blocked. After this message, we shall see if you are one of the retards. If you are, you can just ** get used to the periods.

(I just previewed this, and lo' and behold, you have the swearing blocked! I'm too lazy to go back and change it all, so I shall just do this:

F.UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK)

A Tale of Blue Bloods

2009-06-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5124501/1/A_Tale_of_Blue_Bloods

--

Looky here! I spy an illiterate f.ucktard.

At the moment all I see in this story is bad spelling mistakes and heaps of s.hit piled on top of itself, before having speech marks stuck on either end and passed off as dialogue.

Looking further, I notice that you have tabs telling me view points and text message indications. I am not a f.ucking r.etard like you, my dear t.wat, so please do not tell me when something happens. Description is your friend, and if you need to change a viewpoint, do not assume your readers are idiots; you must use other methods to show the view has changed. Italics is usually a good way to show this.

Next up, one of my pet hates: scripting!

I don't give a s.hit if you're displaying text messages; it looks so f.ucking stupid it's unbelievable. Do you ever see professional authors use script in their novels? No, because only idiots do it.

And finally, review whoring gets you nowhere. Of course, if you want reviews, I'll be sure to direct more flamers to your profile and this, uh, 'story.'

George

Til Death Do Us Part

2009-06-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4682828/1/Til_Death_Do_Us_Part

--

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

No!

It's Enter Key Man, here to save fanfiction from s.hit fics!

owait.

Looks like he missed you by mistake.

Or maybe he was crushed under the weight of your text blocks?

:O

(I can't believe you killed Enter Key Man, you fiend)

Huge paragraphs of text do nothing but make me want to commit suicide, and that is where the enter key comes into play. Separate you damn paragraphs, you idiot.

Next up on the fail list is grammar. Here are some examples of how much of a fucktard you are:

No! Don’t leave me beby! I need you Tyge! P-please Tygeria, don’t go-o-o-ooo! Aahhh!!!” Shainizhya clutched onto Tyge’s lifeless body and her sobs became more frantic and loud.]

“You call my Tygeria a dog? How dare you?! You know you drunk! And you come and hit my beby! He dead ‘cause of you! You lucky I don’t disembowel you where you stand! You disgustin’ pig..” ]

“Mikali! I need ya ta come home!” Her voice strained and waning.]

“What is wrong Shaiya? Why ya need me to come home?” His voice was sounding more confused than concerned at this moment.]

Direct address, commas, correct punctuation, commas, restraint in punctuation, commas, enter key,and commas are the many things you abuse in this piece of c.rap.

Did I mention commas?

My honest opinion is that you are absolutely r.aping the LoK fandom, and this 'story' of yours is nothing but a f.ucking p.ile of s.hit; an insult to the fandom itself.

George

Too Good to be True

2009-06-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5064354/2/Too_Good_To_Be_True

--

First things first...

Aside from the fact character listing is against ToS, it clearly shows you are a retard and cannot describe or introduce characters to save your life.

Next chapter.

There is a mythical thing in this world known as...the Enter Key. According to legend, only good writers can see or use the almighty powers of this elusive key, and those who do use it produce half decent fictions, the likes of which no noob could ever hope to write.

You are, without a doubt, an idiot. New speakers need to be separated, otherwise the story just looks jumbled up and s.hit, like this one. Listen to your flamers; give up writing. I have more intelligence in my big toe than all of your dumbf.uck fans put together, so their constant praise is irrelevant. They wouldn't know a good story if it did a pole dance in a top hat and a bright pink thong.

Rosalie's Little Girl

2009-06-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5076736/1/Rosalies_Little_Girl

--

what is the real reason rosalie wants a child when she has her family? what if she has a secret that she never told anyone? what happenes when misterious isabella swan moves to forks? DONT FLAME! DONT LIKE? DONT READ!]

Should be:

{What is the real reason Rosalie wants a child when she has her family? What if she has a secret that she never told Anyone? What happens when the mysterious Isabella Swan moves to Forks? Flame me, please! It turns me on!}

Capital letters and commas...something every half decent author should be able to use. You, however, are not a half decent author. You are not even a hundreth decent author. You are completely and utterly s.hit at writing. Captialise names, places, and the beginning of sentences, for Christ's sake! And also, telling people in your description that flamers should stay away will only attract more flamers to this pile of c.rap.

Anyway, now to move on to the actual story.

Heh...'story'...that's a good one....

As I have said in flames to other smacktards like yourself, I am not retarded. I do not need someone as stupid as you telling me where and when a daydream starts and ends. If you could actually write, you would not need to do so, because you would have added the necessary description. However, because you cannot write, this shouldn't even be on the site, because this
is a site for writers, not for little girls who get off over fictional characters.

Next up is the comma.

"...the sign (,), a mark of punctuation used for indicating a division in a sentence, as in setting off a word, phrase, or clause, esp. when such a division is accompanied by a slight pause or is to be noted in order to give order to the sequential elements of the sentence."

See that? Comma!

So where the hell are yours? I see a few dotted about at irregular intervals, but none in places where they are most desperately needed. Take direct address for example.

“Hey Emmett” the blonde called.]

Should be:

{“Hey, Emmett” the blonde called.}

The subject being referred to is Emmett, and thus a comma must come before Emmett's name.

“Aw! Man, that was my favourite shirt” he moaned]

Should be:

{“Aw! Man, that was my favourite shirt,” he moaned}

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's a comma!

:O

Never ever leave the end of speech blank, and never EVER put a period there if it is going to be followed up by 'he said' or something similar. It is always a comma, unless it is stand-alone speech (only then you can use a period).

My eyes are starting to hurt, so I think I'll stop there.

owait.

A/N: what do you think? A big thanks to my beta XDaniXD she’s a real help go read her story that I’m betaing and tell me what you think of mine and should I continue? If I get 5 reviews ill update tomorrow!]

Tell your beta not to give up her day job. She is completely and utterly shit. Of course, it makes me wonder how bad you were before Dani raped this piece of absolutely terrible 'writing'.
George

Alphabet Soup

2009-06-21T05:18:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5147878/1/

--

I look at this story and I weep.

What the hell?

Why is all the text in the centre of the page? Do you see any published novels formatted like that? No, you do not, because it looks absolutely f.ucking stupid.

Next up is your grammar, which fails, I might add. Here are a few mistakes, the original in [] and the editations in {} :

[“Kuro-pii’s room is on the other side of my door?!?! How EXCITING!” He squealed.]

{"Kuro-pii's room is on the other side of my door? How exciting!"}

I do not want my eyes poked out by excessive exclamation and question marks, thank you very much. One question mark will suffice in this case. Also, capitals for emphasis looks very...juvenile. I will admit, though, that this is just my own personal taste in emphasis, and whilst J.K. Rowling does it, I doubt Stephen King or Dan Brown would.

[“Helo? Kuro-myuu?” He asked, waving his hand in front of Kurogane’s face.]

{"Hello, Kuro-myuu?” he asked, waving his hand in front of Kurogane’s face.}

Here you simply capitalised the 'he' when you didn't need to.

[“You IDIOT! Why’d you have to open the freaking door?! I didn’t want you to know this was my room! You’ve ruined everything now! I hope you’re happy! And if my mom finds out I’m in here she’ll KILL me! And I thought I already told you to quit with the nicknames!”]

{“You idiot! Why’d you have to open the freaking door? I didn’t want you to know this was my room; you’ve ruined everything now! I hope you’re happy...and if my mom finds out I’m in here she’ll kill me. And I thought I already told you to quit with the nicknames!”}

Again with retarded emphasis. Ellipsis is optional, as is the semi-colon.There are other forms of punctuation to end a sentence other than '!', or, as you seem to be fond of, '!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?'

See this . ? That is called a period, and is a common way to end a sentence. Constantly using exclamation marks looks plain stupid. Lay off them and stop ignoring the damn period button.

[“I’m here ‘cuse I wanna be.” Kurogane stated flatly,]

{“I’m here ‘cuse I wanna be,” Kurogane stated flatly,}

End of speech punctuation. You need a comma, not a period.

[he then asked (rather politely too, Kurogane noted, for someone that looked to be the same age as himself)]

{he then asked (rather politely too, Kurogane noted, for someone that looked to be the same age as himself).}

Period at the end of the bracket on the outside. What do you have against periods?

Finally, what the hell happened to description? This is all dialogue, and s.hitty dialogue at that. Variation adds extra spice to a fic, and constantly going back and forth between a conversation and not describing any surrounds makes a piece boring. And this is very boring, I might add.

Get a beta, or get this c.rap off the site.

Jacob's weird Adventure

2009-06-21T05:16:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5144831/1/

--

First things first: we are not retarded.

Why then do you insist on telling me that the point of view has changed? If you describe the scene and intentions properly, with decent descriptions and dialogue, there is no need to tell every little detail, like I'm completely thick. Of course, good writing is most unlike the s.hitty dribble that you call a fic, which you obviously shat out after a bad case of diarrhoea.

Secondly, as I pointed out before, if you were a capable writer, you would not need to bold the speech of a particular character, because the reader would be able to tell them apart.

That which is written above is more than good enough reasons to pull your fic down and hire a priest to perform an exorcism. Of course, this won't be enough for you, so I shall continue.

Grammar is a very important part of writing, and one of the most abused forms of punctuation is the comma.

That poor, poor comma.

Here are a few of your mistakes, commas or otherwise:

Eww ugh what is that horrible sweet sickly smell.]

It should look like:

{Eww, ugh...what is that horrible, sweet, sickly smell?}

Commas, and of course, the question mark are all needed here. The fact that you don't know how to use a question mark makes me wonder if your IQ is smaller than your shoe size. The ellipsis is optional.

“I’m Jacob Black, I’m from America” I stuttered,]

{"I'm Jacob Black; I'm from America," I stuttered,}

Semi-colon and comma are needed here.“Hi Bella”]

{“Hi, Bella.”}

Comma and period. Direct address, damn it!

“What was that Jake?”]

{“What was that, Jake?”}

Comma again for direct address.

“HA HA HA WAY JAKE YOUR GAY WAY!”]

{“Ha ha ha! Way, Jake, you’re gay, way!”}

Aside from the utter retardedness of this sentence (because gay jokes /never/ get old, and because of its startling maturity), you need commas, an optional exclamation mark, the right ‘you’re’ (you’re, not your), and less of the capitalisation abuse.

This is one of the worst fan fics I’ve seen on the site, and yet I’m guessing your head is too far up your own arse to even consider removing it. But then you must like flames, what with all the s.hit you keep spouting out.

George

My Side of the Story

2009-06-21T05:15:00.001-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4846681/1/

--

Talent as a writer, it seems, is something completely beyond you. This piece of 'writing' is flat, lifeless, and has some seriously bad spelling mistakes.

Is it so difficult to spell 'friend', 'grooming' or 'nursery'? Really?

Or how about direct address, with commas in the right place, as well as capitals not used to a pointless excess?

Either get a beta or get this joke of a story off the damn site. I look forward to being added to your block list. Truly, it is an honour.

Georgasaurus

RvB Story

2009-06-21T05:12:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4825138/1/

--

Everyone just seems so...out of character. Tex kissing Church? Church giving a damn about something?

*shudder*

You've gone completely the wrong way about this.

Also, please don't assume your readers are stupid; you don't need to state the changes in P.O.V. I'm perfectly capable of figuring it out on my own.

The more I read, the more I want to rip my eyes out. I've ended up just skim reading, feeling I'm not doing my job if I don't look through at least some of your content.

Stop adding author's notes halfway through your paragraphs. Stop stating locations and points of view in underlines.

It breaks the flow of the story and makes me lose the will to live.

And I forgot to mention...the enter key is your friend!

What am I to You?

2009-06-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4845641/1/

--

The enter key is there for a reason. The comma button is there for a reason. Your brain exists for a reason.

Use all three and maybe you will come up with a half decent fic, unlike this pile of rubbish.

George

The Catfish

2009-06-21T05:10:00.000-07:00

Can be found: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4258351/1/

--

A few things I think I need to point out:

1. "It is, we're getting to that part." Mousefur meowed. "As I was saying."

Grammar, for f.ucks sake! Use a comma at the end of speech, not a period!

2. walked to the lake for a drink, but suddenly, he was splashed. "Ahh!" he screeched jumping back. "Who did that?" he demanded.

Capital letters and the goddamn enter key? You write like a retarded f.ucktard. Actually, no, you ARE a retarded fucktard. How many people have to tell you your s.hit sucks balls before you get the f.ucking hint? You have to be one of the stupidest people I have ever had the misfortune to encounter, and your fictions make my eyes bleed. I'd point out your other mistakes, but frankly, I can't be arsed because I know you won't listen.

Why don't you do FFnet a favour and get rid of all this s.hit of yours clogging up the Warriors fandom?

George

Shimmering Star of Hope (Part Two)

2009-06-21T05:08:00.000-07:00

Can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4544611/2/Shimmering_Star_of_Hope

--

[It’s the first good story I’ve ever really made,enjoy!]

Don't lie to your readers.

Anyway, after purging my eyes with vinegar and writing a review for this chapter, my computer crashed. Your fiction is so bad it caused my computer to commit suicide. However, I resurrected it, told it off for being a big f.ucking emo, and have continued with this 'nasty flame'.

Where is your grammar, capitalisation, and spelling? What about the f.ucking enter key? I swear, a retarded dog with all its legs cut off and its brains substituted for peanut butter mixed with s.hit writes better than you. Why do you put people through such pain, smearing your crap across the internet in hopes that some dumb f.uck who is stupider than the dog I mentioned above will see it and somehow possibly like it?

You really need to go throw your 'work' into the big fiery pit of hell, where all shit-fics end up.In conclusion, I say the only 'Shimmering Star of Hope' (I even managed to scrape together enough contempt for this chapter to play on your title) for you on this entire site is that lovely little delete button.

F.ucking use it.

George.

Shimmering Star of Hope (Part One)

2009-06-21T05:05:00.000-07:00

Can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4544611/1/

--

[U wanna flame? then don't excpect nice reply's.]

Thanks for the invite, I will be sure to exploit it. One thing, it's 'replies', not 'reply's'.

Dumbass.

Now, without further ado, let me be a complete asshole to you over your shit-fic.

'Chapter' One:

It's not even a chapter, is it? Oh dear, you clearly can't read very well, as the ToS clearly states this sort of shit isn't fucking allowed. Not only that, but it is riddled with mind raping chat speak and retarded grammar.

[If u do want to flame and be extremely idiotic,]

Don't mind if I do.

[see if I care, just don’t except a nice reply.]

But you obviously do care, otherwise you wouldn't 'threaten' me with replies.

[It is not my best work, I know,]

You have no other stories on here for me to compare it to, so I will assume this is your best (and only) piece of work.

[so QUITE BUGGING ME ABOUT HOW BAD IT IS!!]

Hm, let's see...no.

Onto the next chapter (oh joy)!

George

Starclan is Moving!

2009-06-21T05:03:00.000-07:00

Can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4170081/1/

--

May your first fan fiction be your last.

Why?

It. FUCKING. Sucked.

Why the hell is it in script? Have we degenerated ourselves to completely abandoning story writing? I take it you cannot describe a situation for shit, but then why burn my eyes with this...thing?

Your humour is crap and completely bland. Your grammar is non-existent, and spelling is nowhere to be seen.

Get this shit off the site. Now.

George

Lonely Souls

2009-06-21T05:01:00.000-07:00

Can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3982240/1/

--

Let's start with your poor excuse for a summary.

[This is the story of the past before Al Muliam became obsesed and before the game took place. A story of Atliars love who is also an assassin follow her through Betrayal and love and lust]

You spelt Al Mualim, obsessed, and Altair (for fuck sake, at least get the main character right) wrong. You have abused so many commas that they will no longer show their faces in your fucktard story, and you capitalise words that do not need to be capitalised. You also missed a period at the end of your sentence.

As for your story...I'll put it this way:

I am going to hang myself from the staircase whilst gouging my eyes out at the same time with a plastic spork.

Yes, you heard me - a spork, of all things.

Enter key? Has your stupid self never heard of the damn thing, or perhaps you are allergic to it? As for grammar, historical accuracy in dialogue (seriously, would you ever expect an assassin to say 'ya'), and general spelling, it bloody well sucks.

Get this piece of shit off the site.

George

the banished one

2009-06-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

Can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4064811/1/

--

Your beta needs to be shot in the face. There are tons of errors here, including bad grammar, a complete lack of the enter key, and long sentences that lack punctuations and/or full stops.

Sack that retard beta of yours and get a new one. I can offer a few decent names to you, but judging by your responses on F/P, you'll probably just throw it back in my face.

Good luck in saving this long dead fiction.

Georgasaurus

Altair n Jon

2009-06-21T04:58:00.000-07:00

Can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3986977/1/

--

Please, delete this fiction right now. The grammar curled up in a corner and died in the first chapter. The spelling is diabolical, and do you not know what the enter key does? When you have speech, you must start a new paragraph.

Also, capital letters in the wrong place! Why is it half your sentences start with a lowercase letter, but then some sentences are full of capslock abuse? If you don't know what I mean:

[NO FOOL NOW YOU SHALL FALL VICTIM TO MY INTERNAL DOM, i screamed.]

Capital I in 'I screamed', and less of the caps lock abuse in the rest of the sentence would have been good. Oh, and speech marks are a nice thing to have, considering that they are essential for speech.

Finally, stop with the half-assed humour. It's not funny, not even a little bit.

Now, you have two options:

1. Delete this fiction.

2. Get a God damn beta.

Whatever option you choose, do it now, and do it fast.

Georgasaurus

So...first post?

2009-06-21T04:55:00.000-07:00

God knows why I never got around to writing a blog before now. Anywho, I'm about to load up a bunch of old flames on here, to make the blog look more used and loved.

:)